den

confessions.

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 15:33:03 GMT

i found my mushroom. but it escaped.

i recently found out i'm very weak in english. especially in literature. it's very hard for me to interpret fiction. the consequences of being a realist. hell will freeze over once i start writing my short story. crap.

my plant is not growing. there are no flowers. i waste five minutes of my time watering it. and all it gives me are goddamn leaves. every day new leaves. all the time leaves. i hate green.

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 15:59:00 GMT

i passed the first two long tests in math 18. i am officially an ME student. now i only have to avoid D's and F's. ah, if only life was that simple.

i found a prey. i want to call it mushroom. it lingers in one area.

the guys almost took us to counter-striking. i didn't come. i fear i'll be dead in five seconds. then all they'll ever hear from me are shrieks of terror, surprise or anger. it's not something one would like to hear while fighting for one's own life.

my english essay was peer-edited by some freak. now i know i'm not supposed to feel discouraged by it but i still do. the asshole gave me a 60%. he wasn't even consistent with his comments. but what the hell. i'll try to keep in mind his petty remarks. (i know it's a he based on the handwriting: it was too masculine)

ah, and according to myers-briggs i am an extreme introvert, sensing, thinking (?), and judgmental.

now i have to study for the upcoming third long test and the dreadful midterms.

a rat visited our freshman orientation.

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 13:39:27 GMT

today we had our freshman orientation. you'd think we've had enough of this but the admin people don't seem to get it through their unbelievably dull heads.

it all started with the open house. that was last february.

then came the preparatory course. three days of june.

third one's the orientation seminar. again, three days of june.

after that, we had a so-called JGSOM night. one long night of june.

and (hopefully) the last one was held this afternoon.

and funnily enough, there was nothing new and/or surprising about this orientation.

with the exception of a rat running around the theater, it was pretty uneventful.

of butt impressions and poker nights

Fri, 23 Jun 2006 03:07:49 GMT

today is faculty day so no classes for us.

the first four official school days didn't suck as much as i had anticipated. in fact it was just as normal as high school. except for the two to four hour breaks wherein i'm stuck watching (and hearing) men on top of cafeteria tables being tortured by men with wide, profane vocabulary and hopelessly-obsessed miami heat fans.

so they won. big deal.

my blockmates are fun. it's such a relief that i get to spend the first two years of my college life with them. the sad fact is that we only have a couple of classes together. (why call it a block?) we've bonded due to the three-day prep course and the three-day orientation seminar. now we spend all our breaks together in the cafeteria. yesterday we were locked in the caf up. eh. now one of us is suggesting a poker night. since all we ever do is play cards. no one really heard him - or no one really wanted to. ha.

so the chairs in our english class have butt impressions. somehow it's nowhere near comfortable. first of all, it's too shallow. and it's too wide for an ass like mine. it's a subtle way of saying i don't have enough flesh in my rear. really, it's uncalled for.

ah well. at least i'm spared of a serious case of culture shock.

my body is so sore.

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 10:45:30 GMT

today is the first day of our preparatory course. i honestly didn't know what to expect.

we ended up being welcomed to the school by a bunch of very goofy ME students. then we had a 'backward race'. we won our first heat but during the finals, we all fell. i was hurt.

then we made some 'torches' out of scratch paper, skewer sticks, straw and crepe paper. then we were made to sell it at a profit. we walked around the huge campus searching for 'buying stations'. i think we did good.

and, to top it all off, the thing was supposed to end by 4.30 pm. instead, i got in the car at around 6.00.

now my legs are sore from all the backward running and walking under the scorching heat. and my butt hurts from the uncomfortable chairs.

lucky i wore my chuck taylors.

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 04:11:37 GMT

so eric and jeremy failed to win the amazing race,
chris daughtry wasn't named the fifth american idol,
and i can't slide an automatic mitsubishi lancer properly into a parking slot.

it seems i can't catch a break.

but thank the almighty gods for the dallas mavericks - more specifically dirk nowitzki. at least they give me a reason to wake up early in the morning.

i wish i could just curl up in a couch and watch them win the first game of the 2006 finals come friday morning. but alas, i have this school thing. lucky i have a sister to watch it for me.

but watch out game 2 for i'll be back

there's nothing to tell...

Sat, 25 Mar 2006 03:20:04 GMT

i think the title says it all.

bye bye melissa...

Thu, 16 Mar 2006 12:08:36 GMT

so my mother and i got into this fight yesterday. we both are too stubborn to apologize so it's all down to pure emotional stamina. i'm not about to cave - yet. but to hell with that.

melissa just got kicked off american idol. that sucks. i really like her. how can ace, lisa and melissa be in the bottom three in one night and kevin gets to wallow in his less-than-deserved title, sex god?

aargh, the irony in this world. it gives me a migraine.

the day before...

Sun, 12 Mar 2006 12:18:33 GMT

i am extremely pissed. i'm on the verge of suing this place. for the past sixteen years, four months and twenty-four days i have been taking good care of my hair. then after an hour's worth of swimming in their intensely chlorinated water, all that hard work was flushed down the toilet. my hair is literally ruined. i tried everything: intensive conditioning, even the whole hot oil process. nothing works. my hair is dry and sticky. i hate it.

crossroads...

Fri, 10 Mar 2006 13:16:20 GMT

i kept believing you're just running late.

i'm almost certain that i'm slightly allergic to shrimp. damn.

call me ms. britt...

Sat, 04 Mar 2006 13:46:49 GMT

on a serious note, all the hassles of schoolwork are finally over. i guess that's something to be relieved about. but i'm feeling seventy percent relieved and thirty percent disappointed. today, i found myself disturbed at the thought that i have nothing to do. i got so used to the sleepless days and never-ending requirements that having none seems, well, a bit of a stretch in reality.

but who am i to complain. human nature is more complex than most people think. when something is forced upon you, you tend to struggle against it. then when that's gone, you find yourself looking for it.

but then again, maybe it's just me.

a rather eventful saturday...

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 13:35:40 GMT

so remember my math notebook problem? well, this morning, i went back to school to fix it. this is what happened:

i went straight up to my classroom, hoping the door was unlocked. but since when did fate work with me? of course it was locked. strike one. so i had to look for someone to open it for me. fortunately, i ran into this kind security guard. he walked back to his little guard's place and got this huge set of keys. apparently, the key to classroom was probably one of them.

so he tried every frickin' key and to my god damn luck, it wasn't one of them. the guard asked me to go all the way to the information booth to try and see if their officer-in-charge has the keys. he didn't have it. strike two.

i walked back to the building only to see the security guard downstairs, which could only mean one thing: he wasn't able to open it. strike three. i'm out.

i climbed into our car having already given up. but my mom was persistent. she first asked the guard again. then, of all people, she asked a teacher. of course i had to hide. it was embarrassing. still, the teacher figured out that i was the daughter of the uptight mom. which was ironic since he kept on calling me jamie.

apparently, one of the nuns had the keys. this particular nun knew my mom too. i swear, everyone in my school knows who my mom is.

so i had the key. i was on my way to the classroom when the guard showed up. surprisingly, he was able to unlock the door - with a long wire and a metal rod. he was really kind.

after all that hullabaloo, i was finally able to get my notebook. it was hidden under another book (not mine), under my chair. it was a huge relief.

so thanks to the people concerned: the teacher, the nun and of course, the security guard.

clearing my lockers...

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 14:27:34 GMT

fortunately or unfortunately (haven't decided yet), school was cancelled today. supposedly, today was our big defense experience. i wasn't looking forward to it but i wasn't dreading it either. i hated the final debate more than this.

but it didn't stop me from getting all pissed off. i was fuming mad by the time classes ended. why would anyone walk out on something then try to blame other people for it? it's not like we weren't there to do it. we were waiting for her and her so-called comforter. then i receive the news that she's pissed? the nerve.

so i had to go to school anyway to get my books. then i realized that that would be the last time i get to empty my locker. at least in high school. but still, it was sad. it's a pity the corridor was deserted.

but, the worst part is, my fucking math notebook's missing. when i got home to study, i realized it wasn't there. then i tried to recall where i put it yesterday. i don't remember lending it to someone or anything like that. in fact, i distinctly remember me shoving it underneath my seat. but i couldn't find it. so i figured i must have left it in the classroom in my hurry to leave yesterday. or it got mixed up with other people's stuff. but, i swear to god, if someone stole it, i'd fucking kill her. i slave over copying the notes from the overhead projector and she steals it. people are too damn lazy. i hate it.

i'll kill for clear sinuses...

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 12:18:54 GMT

i just caught a terrible cold. how am i supposed to panel tomorrow? i'll just be this timid little girl, in this ridiculous business outfit, jotting down some notes, with a barely audible, distant voice. i hope this doesn't last until friday. not only is my throat scratchy, but my phlegm-producers are on overdrive.

just one more week of school work and i'll be free. somehow it's not as liberating as i thought it would be.

road trip...

Fri, 17 Feb 2006 12:10:07 GMT

another school week passed. it's like time is mocking me or something. it knows i dread the graduation and the fact that i have to leave my school of fourteen years. we actually had to write this essay to discuss which thing i wouldn't want to change. i almost chose time.

i want time to stay as it is. like midnight. i'll forever be in between today and tomorrow. i can easily forget the things of the past and never worry about the events of tomorrow. or sunrise and sunset. when the sky is torn between night and day. it has a sense of serenity because of the cool air and dark sky but there's still a hint of sunlight.

but then i didn't want to sound too dramatic. besides, i realized it doesn't make sense.

now all i want to do is jump in a car and drive as as far as i can go. to get away. i don't want to leave. i hate change. but then i have no control over that. the same way i have no control over time.

ah, screw it.

of cookies and anxiety...

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 11:32:52 GMT

tomorrow's the big final debate. i couldn't be less prepared. i was freaking out like two hours ago but right now i don't really care. i even found time to watch tv and update this weblog before taking care of the thing. so i ask myself, why am i not panicking? this is very unlike me. i guess the stress of being a senior and the anxiety of graduating is getting to me.

i'm not doing so well in my studies. i failed several quizzes this quarter. mainly because i didn't study. i'm just so damn tired i don't want to do this anymore. but since i'm at the home stretch, i might as well cross the finish line.

i want a cookie.

oh yeah. happy valentine's day everyone. bi-yatch, i love you (all).

the irony of it all...

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 11:27:49 GMT

interestingly enough, i had nothing to do today. i was supposed to do this eco project but to hell with that. i was never good at that subject. so i ended up writing this paper that was due eleven days from now. oh well.

i don't know. maybe this time management thing is not so good. i feel weird when i have nothing to do. i always have to have something to accomplish. hmm.

well, there is one thing in dire need to be taken care of: the fucking final debate. how the hell am i supposed to do well in this debate when all he ever did was read of his stupid powerpoint presentation. he took spoon-feeding to a whole new level. besides, i don't even understand what our claim is. i'll ask around tomorrow. then i'll get right on it. i can't stand not doing anything about this. it still is an academic requirement.

anyway, i can't wait for the fifteenth. i have my reasons. several of them. all of which you don't need to know.

oh, and i've just been confirmed. like i care about that.

school restarts tomorrow... oh crap...

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 14:22:54 GMT

i tried to deny it. i tried to ignore it. but it kept on sneaking up on me. whenever i look over my shoulder, you know, for assurance's sake, it's right there staring back at me.

but what the hell. i endured the last eight months. i might as well live through the remaining six weeks. it's just so tiring.

the only relief i get from the maddening stress is my good ol' television. it's inanimate and cold but strangely enough, i find it comforting. how pathetic am i?

nonetheless, the world doesn't revolve around me. it won't stop when i want it to stop. it is my unfortunate duty to catch up with it. or else i'll end up tripping over my feet and having my face buried in someone else's crap.

and so monday ends...

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 15:24:08 GMT

the mere thought of me returning to school in a little more than two days is sickening. but then again, it's not like i've taken a break from school at all.

so right now i'm watching an episode of this particular series (which i love, btw), but this episode sucks. most people find it "fantastic" but to me, it's just so overrated. and the worst part is, i've seen it like four times. just for the sake of watching it.

oh, and i accomplished another requirement. a few more to go. at least there's visible progress.

and i think i might be developing a mild case of insomnia. i couldn't care less.

*sigh* and here i thought sleep deprivation was the end of the world.

human desperation...

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 11:09:10 GMT

it's scary how people are so dependent on sheer, pure luck. i mean, they're willing to sleep on the street, battle the unforgiving weather (may it be rain or the angry sun), and shove their way through a big, big crowd just to take that one in a million chance of winning some money.

i almost peed in my pants this morning. a good distance from the school, this huge stampede broke out. i freaked out 'cause they said sixty people had already died. i was literally stranded in school (of all places...) because the roads were blocked and the people were running around frantically. i was actually thankful i was in school, though i shouldn't be since it's a saturday.

these people, apparently, were in line for this noontime show who was giving away loads of money as a first anniversary celebration. all they had to do was answer a bunch of questions and they'd be home seven hundred thousand bucks richer (the other three hundred thousand goes to tax, i heard). it's an easy (and lazy) way of earning.

but who can blame them. life is hard and humans are inclined to making things easier for them. it's more of a flaw really.

oh well. these are the kinds of things that make me realize just how lucky i am. well, not lucky, i just happen to have hardworking parents.

i love them for that.

it's all about time management...

Fri, 03 Feb 2006 13:56:54 GMT

the fact that i have to face another hell week is not a surprise. i have been doing it for the past year anyway.

we were given four school days off, supposedly (i assumed) for a little a rest. turned out i was completely wrong. apparently, teachers are obliged to give us assignments to fill up the meetings we missed. this calls for a protest.

they can't seem to get it through their dull brains that us seniors can barely stay awake during classes for we are constantly bombarded with school work. according to one teacher, this case of senioritis is mild. mild my ass.

it's not like i can just refuse to do it. unfortunately for me, i have this uncontrollable need to please people (more so my self). and i can't just let go of my studies. i just can't. *hangs head*

so yesterday, i finished my math homework. today i finished the eco homework and the filipino sulatin. i just printed out the why-are-you-catholic (i don't want to be) paper. i still have the physics video, the ethics scrapbook, the eco project, the a&d paper, the bm homework (which is due like two weeks from now but i want to do it), the english homework (which is fairly easy)... i hope i didn't forget anything.

what sucks is i have to do this in three days. tomorrow i have this stupid confirmation recollection, on sunday the family's going out, on wednesday i have this general confirmation practice. so basically, i only have today, monday and tuesday. but it's fine. i happen to have a certain skill in time management.

oh how i envy myself for that.

o crappy days...

Mon, 30 Jan 2006 15:09:43 GMT

i just realized that i have made use of the word 'crappy' more times than i really wanted to. how depressed am i.

the only good thing that happened today was that

we won a less-than-prestigious competition; and
the one-hour period we were supposed to be spending with her never really pushed through.

i don't want to call it luck.

people have that tendency to annoy other people without much effort. i don't envy them at all. i just wish i'll never be like them any time soon. or any time at all for that matter.